God-sized Holes

I have been reading some hard impacting Christian books lately.  I recently finished Kyle Idleman's Not A Fan and am currently reading both Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker and Kyle Idleman's Gods at War.  Can I just say that I absolutely love all of these books?!?!  I love the challenges they lay out before me to improve my walk as a Christian!  My eyes have been opened up to ways I need to stop listening to what the world is saying and tune in to what God is saying.  Where exactly are my security and peace of mind anchored?  What are my idols?  Am I praying God-sized prayers with the full understanding that NOTHING is impossible with God?

The only thing that is hard about this journey I am on is that my husband seems to believe he needs to keep pace with me...and he becomes very discouraged that he is not in the same place as me at the same time.  I am constantly telling the kids not to compete in EVERYTHING with each other.  They are each at different levels of understanding...seems obvious when you are a child and you are literally learning different things at different grade levels.  Somehow that translation becomes lost when you become an adult.

I think we, as adults, become harder on ourselves when we see someone further along the path and we wish to find a shortcut.  One thing I have learned in my relationship with God, there are no shortcuts.  He has you exactly where you are for a reason.  Work with God through the experience.  Fighting Him to skip steps can be counterproductive, extending the trial you are walking through rather than shortening it.  Praise Him through the trial rather than complaining about why you are still enduring.  If I ever begin to feel discontent I know I need to do a spiritual check and put myself back in the right relation to God...forever thankful and in awe.  Nothing in this life matters more than my relationship with God.  It took me a long time and a hard road to figure that one out.  And I refuse to back down on that!  I am not going to be moved off of my rock!

I am weary of being asked to fill God-sized holes.  I recently read that if a person is constantly disappointing us and we are overly critical of them, we are asking them to play a god in our life.  Yes!  This struck such a resonant cord in my deepest being!!!  How do I stay strong when someone is trying to put me in this role?  How do I remain kind and encouraging when the requests/demands are relentless?  That is my current struggle.  I pray God can fill me from his endless reserves, and I try to do my best in pointing the way back to God.  After all, with God ALL things are possible!!!  It's time to start circling that promise and pray as though I really believe it.

More than anything else, I want to be living in God's will!

Jeanine